What matters
by soul-wanderer94
Summary: When Emily returns from her mission to take down Doyle pregnant she is ridden by guilt and has a hard time understanding JJ's acceptance. One morning everything spirals out of control and JJ has to try her best to calm her down again. Established Jemily, rated M for swearing and angst


**I was in the mood to write some angst paired with fluff and this idea was suddenly stuck in my mind. I hope you like the result and leave me a review!**

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The sun was just starting to filter through the blinds when Emily came to stand in front of their bedroom window with a cup of coffee in one hand and her other resting on her stomach.  
It was still early but she could nevertheless hear JJ beginning to shuffle in the bed behind her and knew it wouldn't be long until she was up as well.  
She was about to take another sip of her coffee when she felt arms being wrapped around her waist from behind and a head being rested against her back.

"I can't talk you out of your morning coffee, right?" JJ murmured into Emily's shirt and inhaled the scent of it in the process while tenderly rubbing small circles on her stomach.  
"You know how I am without coffee; do you really want to put up with that?" Emily slightly smirked before raising her cup again for another sip.  
"Yeah, it's already hard enough to deal with a hormonal Prentiss sometimes." JJ rested her head on Emily's shoulder and shot her a small smile.  
At this a chuckle escaped Emily's lips before she grew quiet again, her expression thoughtful and absentminded.  
"What's on your mind again Em?" JJ carefully asked, already guessing what was bothering the older agent.  
"It's nothing." Emily sighed after a moment of contemplation, but her stance gave away her inner conflict, causing JJ to worry even more.

"What is it Em? Please don't shut me out again." Her voice held a desperate tone as she was afraid that Emily would withdraw from her again.  
Feeling her breathing becoming more uneven she tried to calm the brunette down by continuing to caress her small bump only to be stopped by a pair of hands coming to rest over hers, effectively stilling her motions.  
"Don't." The anguish in her voice was evident as she muttered the single word and it hurt JJ to see her react like that.  
"Em…" She began but trailed off when Emily visibly stiffened in front of her and spoke up in a strained tone.  
"JJ, please." By now Emily had difficulties keeping her emotions in check but she couldn't bear JJ's affections in this moment and so she tried to pull out of her embrace.

"What is going on Emily?" JJ refused to let go of her in fear of completely losing her if she did so.  
And that's when Emily snapped. Feeling trapped in JJ's arms while being confronted the words simply tumbled out of her mouth.  
"How can you act like everything is fine when it is not? How can you still love me or even _look_ at me?" Her breathing was rapid and her voice upset while tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. She was desperately clutching her stomach and leaning against the window sill, the coffee long put away in the process.

JJ should have known that this would happen but she hadn't expected it to burst out of her like that. And for once the usually so well put together media liaison was at a loss for the right words.  
"Emily…" She whispered, being near tears herself, hoping she could get her attention.  
"How JJ? Tell me how." At this Emily slid down the wall and drew her knees up against her chest before letting the tears flow freely.

JJ was sure she had never seen her like this before and it broke her heart to see her this torn apart.  
Carefully she bent down next to her before fully sitting down, hoping Emily wouldn't push her away again.  
"None of what has happened in the past has changed my love for you Em. None of this was your fault and you need to understand that." She was desperate for her to understand, knowing the doubts that had plagued her throughout the past weeks.

It had all begun when she had started hunting down Doyle to bring him down for good. They had known it wouldn't be easy but JJ had eventually agreed so Emily could finally find the closure she deserved.  
Everything started to spiral out of control though when she returned back home, Doyle being dead, but without the relief they had thought she would find once it was over.  
At first JJ didn't understand, couldn't comprehend why she was withdrawing herself, it was only when Emily told her that she was pregnant that everything fell into place for her.  
She had done what she had to do to take Doyle down and JJ understood that, she really did, but it wasn't that easy for Emily.

They had always talked about children; however they hadn't planned on it happening like that. She felt guilty for what she had done, thinking JJ would turn away from her in disgust yet she hadn't and it was beyond Emily's understanding.  
Ever since that day JJ had tried her best to show Emily that she was there for her, that she would support her, and ultimately that she still loved her just as much.  
Emily, however, had a hard time accepting that and feared that JJ could walk away at any given moment once she realized what she had done.  
That's why it didn't surprise JJ when she finally snapped after bottling up her emotions for so long.

"I let him _fuck_ me JJ. Do you even understand that?" The words made JJ flinch but she knew better than to comment on her word choice and instead tried to remain as calm as possible.  
"You did what you had to do Em. You have to let go of the guilt you're feeling." JJ quietly tried to reassure her even though Emily still looked unconvinced.  
"I love you Em and I love this baby just as much. This little one is a part of you and it's going to have a wonderful and loving family and that is everything that matters." By now she had difficulties keeping her own tears at bay and she was glad when Emily allowed her to rest one hand on her stomach again.

Finally she saw the built up tension slowly leaving the brunette's body and small sobs escaped her lips as she leaned into JJ's side.  
Wrapping her other arm around her waist she pulled Emily close, allowing her to seek comfort in her presence.  
"Oh Em, it's going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok." JJ quietly calmed her down and waited until the sobs slowly subsided again, leaving behind an exhausted Emily.

After a while JJ got up and carefully helped Emily up as well and pulled her towards the bed to lie down again, knowing she needed the rest after the ordeal.  
Once they were both in bed Emily immediately curled up against JJ's side and let out an exhausted sigh before slowly drifting off to sleep in her embrace.  
The last thing she felt were lips being softly pressed against her temple and it made her feel safe and gave her hope that together they could get through this after all.


End file.
